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本帖最后由 M-girl 于 2009-8-17 11:27 编辑
Years ago Michael and I were having a deep conversation about life in general.
许多年前我和Michael曾有过一次很深入的谈话
I can't recall the exact subject matter but he may have been questioning me about the circumstances of my Fathers Death.
我不记得我们具体谈论的话题但他问起当我父亲去世时的情况
At some point he paused, he stared at me very intensely and he stated with an almost calm certainty, "I am afraid that I am going to end up like him, the way he did."
然后他突然停下了，非常认真地看着我，然后他用极其冷静的语调说：“我想我会和他一样，我们的结局会很相似”
I promptly tried to deter him from the idea, at which point he just shrugged his shoulders and nodded almost matter of fact as if to let me know, he knew what he knew and that was kind of that.
我很吃惊并试图改变他的想法，但他只是耸耸肩并点点头，他想让我明白，他就是知道
14 years later I am sitting here watching on the news an ambulance leaves the driveway of his home, the big gates, the crowds outside the gates, the coverage, the crowds outside the hospital, the Cause of death and what may have led up to it and the memory of this conversation hit me, as did the unstoppable tears.
14年后，我坐在这里看着新闻里播放着救护车停在他家的大门口，大门外挤满了人，医院外也挤满了人，关于我们的这次谈话的回忆，是什麽导致了他的死亡，这些就如洪水般向我袭来，我的泪水也如洪水决堤。
A predicted ending by him, by loved ones and by me, but what I didn't predict was how much it was going to hurt when it finally happened.
这是一个他自己已预料到的结局，是那些爱他的人包括我都预料到的结局，但我唯一没有预料到的是当它真的发生的时候却是这样让人撕心裂肺的痛苦
The person I failed to help is being transferred right now to the LA County Coroners office for his Autopsy.
这个我没能成功帮助的人，现在他的遗体要被转到洛杉矶做尸体解刨
All of my indifference and detachment that I worked so hard to achieve over the years has just gone into the bowels of hell and right now I am gutted.
我这些年努力表现出的漠不关心和保持距离都统统不见了，现在我的心碎了
I am going to say now what I have never said before because I want the truth out there for once.
我现在要说一些我从来没有说过的但现在一定要说的话，因为我一定要让真相大白于天下
Our relationship was not "a sham" as is being reported in the press. It was an unusual relationship yes, where two unusual people who did not live or know a "Normal life" found a connection, perhaps with some suspect timing on his part. Nonetheless, I do believe he loved me as much as he could love anyone and I loved him very much.
我和Michael的关系并不是报上所说的那样只是一个“假象”，这是一段不寻常的关系，我们是两个从不知道“正常生活”为何物的非普通人，然后我们发现彼此吸引，我坚信Michael曾爱过我就像他可能爱任何其他人而我曾经是那样的深爱着他
I wanted to "save him" I wanted to save him from the inevitable which is what has just happened.
我想要拯救他，我想要把他从这种不可避免的悲剧结局中拯救出来
His family and his loved ones also wanted to save him from this as well but didn't know how and this was 14 years ago. We all worried that this would be the outcome then.
他的家人和所有爱他的人也想这样做，但没人知道该怎样做，而这已是14年前的事了，我们从那时起就担心会发生今天所发生的一切
At that time, In trying to save him, I almost lost myself.
那时为了能够拯救他，我甚至失去了我自己
He was an incredibly dynamic force and power that was not to be underestimated.
他拥有无人可以低估的难以置信的活力和力量
When he used it for something good, It was the best and when he used it for something bad, It was really, REALLY bad.
当他用这种力量来做好事的时候，他一定做的无以伦比，而当他用这种力量来做不好的事情，结局可以很糟糕
Mediocrity was not a concept that would even for a second enter Michael Jackson's being or actions.
平庸在Michael的字典里是根本不会出现的字眼
I became very ill and emotionally/ spiritually exhausted in my quest to save him from certain self-destructive behavior and from the awful vampires and leeches he would always manage to magnetize around him.
我一直努力的想把他从某种自我毁灭的行为中，从他身边各种各样的贪婪的吸血鬼中拯救出来，而这种努力使我近乎陷入病态而且筋疲力尽
I was in over my head while trying.
我一直在拼命的努力想要帮助他
I had my children to care for, I had to make a decision.
但我还要照顾我自己的孩子，我不得不下定决心
The hardest decision I have ever had to make, which was to walk away and let his fate have him, even though I desperately loved him and tried to stop or reverse it somehow.
那时我一生中最艰难的决定，我决定离开他和他的命运， 尽管我是那样的深爱着他
After the Divorce, I spent a few years obsessing about him and what I could have done different, in regret.
离婚以后，我有好几年都沉浸在悔恨中，总是想着我是否可以做的不同， 可以有不一样的结果
Then I spent some angry years at the whole situation.
后来的几年我又沉浸在一种愤怒的情绪中
At some point, I truly became Indifferent, until now
从某种程度上来说，我永远的改变了， 直到现在 .
As I sit here overwhelmed with sadness, reflection and confusion at what was my biggest failure to date, watching on the news almost play by play The exact Scenario I saw happen on August 16th, 1977 happening again right now with Michael (A sight I never wanted to see again) just as he predicted, I am truly, truly gutted.
我坐在这里被无尽的悲伤，自责，与混乱所围绕，这是我一生中最大的失败， 看着电视中的影像让我回想起了1977年8月16日发生的相同的景象（Lisa Marie的父亲猫王Elvis Presley 在1977年8月16日因吸毒过量导致心脏病发去世，那时Lisa 只有9岁）， 而这一次是Michael， 就如他曾自己预测过的那样如我父亲般的死亡 （我曾经多麽希望再也不要看到同样的情景）， 我的心真的碎了
Any ill experience or words I have felt towards him in the past has just died inside of me along with him.
我所有的对他的不满都随他的离去而烟消云散
He was an amazing person and I am lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did and to have had the many experiences and years that we had together.
他是一个非常了不起的人，而我是如此幸运我们曾经是那样亲近，拥有许多我们共同的美好回忆
I desperately hope that he can be relieved from his pain, pressure and turmoil now.
我希望他现在终于从他的痛苦，压力和混乱中解脱
He deserves to be free from all of that and I hope he is in a better place or will be.
希望他找到了更好的地方得到安息
I also hope that anyone else who feels they have failed to help him can be set free because he hopefully finally is.
同时我希望其他爱他的人不要再计较自己没能帮助他
The World is in shock but somehow he knew exactly how his fate would be played out some day more than anyone else knew, and he was right.
整个世界因为他的死亡而震惊，但他自己在许多年前就已经看清自己的命运，而且他是对的
I really needed to say this right now, thanks for listening.
我现在一定要把这些写出来，谢谢你们的倾听 |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2009-8-17 11:25:30
变色卡
显身卡
发表于 2009-8-17 11:32:25
他们真的相爱过~
发表于 2009-8-17 12:25:43
