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发表于 2008-1-10 12:04:52
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搞笑的吧
Bizarre - 'Time-Traveler' Busted
For Insider Trading
From The Weekly World News
By Chad Kultgen
3-28-3
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.
"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.
"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.
"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."
The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.
"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.
When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.
Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.
"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."
In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.
All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."
However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."
Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."
Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-1-10 11:07:13
近日，一篇关于“未来人类”的帖子在各大论坛引起网友热烈讨论，帖子宣称美国股市出现一名奇异男子，选股必涨，赢利数千万，在被警方抓获后，该男子自称来自未来世界，并且知道治疗艾滋病方法。到目前为止，联邦调查人员没有能发现这名男子存在的任何记录。帖子原文如下：
日前，美国联邦调查人员逮获了纽约华尔街一名谜一般的股票投资者，据称此人仅靠800美元起家，在短短数月的时间内至少获利数千万美元！
美国调查人员相信他之所以能股市常胜，是因为非法获得了可靠的“证券内幕消息”，但当调查人员要求他透露“消息来源”时，此人竟破天荒地声称他是一名来自2256年的时间旅行者，他之所以炒股屡胜，只因为对21世纪初的美国股市涨跌行情“了如指掌”。
选股必涨赢利数千万
据美国安全证券交易委员会(SEC)消息来源称，这名叫做安德鲁.卡尔森的44岁男子是在一系列的股市投资奇迹后于去年被逮获的。
一年前的美国股市大跳水，让许多美国投资者输了个倾家荡产，以泪洗面，痛不欲生，但卡尔森却接连投资多个股票，他投资的股票总是在购买后不久就开始大涨，在不到半年的时间内，卡尔森就购买了126次股票，几乎每股必涨，卡尔森至少赢利数千万美元。
调查人员发现卡尔森投入股市的第一笔资本仅800美元，他的异常成功引起了华尔街监督人员的注意，美国安全证券交易委员会调查人员相信，卡尔森的惊人成功，肯定与事先非法获得“证券内幕消息”有关。一名调查人员道：“如果一个公司的股票因为合并或科技突破等原因即将上升，那么此前肯定是一个秘密。但不知为什么，卡尔森却总能事先获知这个秘密。”
:zs 未来世界~~~
变色卡
显身卡
发表于 2008-1-10 11:23:13
发表于 2008-1-10 13:17:55
