英语好的童鞋帮忙看一下我写的乐评Hold My Hand吧

InnaNedved

~~~~(>_<)~~~~因为马上就要交稿了，所以发在这个人比较多的版。英语好的童鞋帮忙看看有没有能改的更好的方案 24小时之后就可以移掉了

我们学校的GP Program有一个杂志，我自告奋勇去写乐评，要是选上了就能让更多人知道迈迈和《Michael》，我写了很久，真的希望能让更多的人来听这张专辑……可是无奈英语不够好，怕选不上T-T

帮个忙吧！PLZ！！！

On December 14th, 2010, late Michael Jackson released a new album called Michael, soon thrilled the world again. The album contains 10 songs which were recorded several years before his death.
On November 15th, 2010, the first single “Hold My Hand” was released. Recorded in 2008, “Hold My Hand” is performed by Michael Jackson and Akon. The song’s theme is about friendship and trust with lyrics which are full of hope and faith. They sing, “Nothing can come between us if you just hold my hand”, “when it gets dark and when it gets cold we hold each other till we see the sunlight”. Just as before, MJ’s “hold my hand” is full of joy, hope, and love. His voice is soft and can cure people’s pain and hurt. In the MV, people can see sunlight, children, smile, holding hands, joyful faces, as well as MJ’s vocal concerts’ video pieces and other dancers. This brilliant video represents what Michael believed in his whole life, which are love and the strength of love. It is the best memorial of Michael Jackson’s life. He is not only the “king of pop”, but also a normal person with pure mind. Filled with love, comfort and joy, the song and the MV are more than another masterpiece of Michael Jackson; they are the best gift for all people who love him.
Using lyrics at the beginning of this song to express what I want to say to you, “So tell me what we're waiting for? 'Hold my hand' ”.

木有稿费的……100% for Michael

suesea1

我基本尊重楼楼的初衷，稍加改动了一下，仅供参考，希望可以帮到你。

On December 14th, 2010, the new album of Michael Jackson was released . And it thrilled the world again. The album contains 10 new songs which were recorded several years before Michael's death.
On November 15th, 2010, just before the hole album was put on sale, the song“Hold My Hand” was released. Recorded in 2008, “Hold My Hand” is a duet with Michael Jackson and Akon, the other famous black singer. The song’s theme is about friendship and trust , and its lyrics  are full of hope and faith. They sing, “Nothing can come between us if you just hold my hand”, “when it gets dark and when it gets cold we hold each other till we see the sunlight”. As Michael's consistent style, “Hold my Hand” is full of joy, hope, and love. His voice in this song is so soft that it might cure people’s tired heart and soul. In the MV, people can see sunlight, children, smile, hand in hand, happy faces, as well as MJ’s vocal concerts’ video pieces and other dancers. This brillliant video represents what Michael believed all his  life--love and the strength of love. It is the best memorial of Michael Jackson’s life. He is not only the “king of pop”, but also a normal person with pure mind. Filled with love, comfort and joy, the song and the MV are more than another masterpiece of Michael Jackson, they are the best gift for all people who love him.

李筱yoyo

　　2010年12月14日晚,迈克尔·杰克逊发布的新专辑叫迈克尔,很快又使全世界兴奋不已。这张专辑的歌曲记录了他死亡前包含10多年以前的歌。
　　2010年11月15日,,第一首单曲“握着我的手”被放出。记录在2008年里,“握着我的手”是由迈克尔·杰克逊和阿肯的音乐。这首歌的主题是关于友谊和信任,歌词是充满希望和信心。他们歌唱出,“我们之间没有什么可以阻碍,如果你只是握着我的手”“天黑时当天气变冷,直到我们拥抱我们看到阳光”。一如既往,MJ的“握着我的手”充满了欢乐,希望和爱。他的声音很轻柔,可以治疗疼痛和伤害。在MV中人们可以看到阳光,孩子们,微笑,拉着的手,快乐的脸,以及MJ的演唱会的视频片和其他的舞者。这代表了迈克尔认为精彩视频在他整个的生活,这是爱和爱的力量。这是最好的纪念迈克尔·杰克逊的生活。他不仅仅是“流行之王”,而且一个正常的人以纯净的心灵。充满了爱,
　安慰与喜悦、歌曲和一个名为“MV儿童超过另一个迈克尔·杰克逊的杰作;他们是最好的礼物送给所有的人都爱他的人。
　　用歌词之初,这首歌表达我想对你说:“请告诉我,我们在等待吗?“握着我的手的”。

suesea1

PS：我觉得作为乐评最后一句有些多余，最好不要。

Natzcalmness

DEATH 這字眼不好~~~改成PASSING (個人意見)

Natzcalmness

以下的是小小的意見和參考,比較含有個人風格...寫的未必準.... 希望幫到LZ ..

“Michael”, a latest album related to Michael Jackson coming on 14 Dec, 2010. This album thrilled the world very soon and containing 10 new songs recorded several years before Michael’s passing.

The first single album “Hold my hand” was released on 15 Nov 2010 of which was recorded in 2008. This song featured Michael Jackson with Akon – their theme is about friendship and trust, full of hope and faith – They sung, “Nothing can come between us if you just hold my hand” “when it gets dark and when it gets cold we hold each other till we see the sunlight”.

As Michael Jackson’s style, his song “Hold my hand” telling us life is full of joy, hope and love. His voice is so soft and might be curable to people’ pain and hurt by his pureness. In the MV, you can see the sunlight, children’ smiling, people form different countries holding together, their joyful face, as well as Michael’s passion and professionalism for his career. Filling with love, comfort and joy, this song and its MV are also masterpieces of Michael Jackson.

This brilliant video represents what MJ believed in his whole life, love and the strength of love – this was the best memorial thing of his life. He was not only “The King of Pop”, but also a normal person with pure mind. LOVE could be the greatest gift to him, always.


最後一句不知道怎樣改....不好意思喔~

        

波板糖

His voice is soft and can cure people’s pain and hurt.很同意

着魔

是啊，乐评还不错撒
就是
最后一句有点奇怪

InnaNedved

Natzcalmness 发表于 2011-8-8 01:15
DEATH 這字眼不好~~~改成PASSING (個人意見)

不好意思……没有注意

InnaNedved

着魔 发表于 2011-8-8 08:45
是啊，乐评还不错撒
就是
最后一句有点奇怪

我也觉得有点奇怪……但是没有结尾又觉得不太好……所以在纠结怎么改……

InnaNedved

回复 波板糖 的帖子

O(∩_∩)O谢谢

InnaNedved

回复 Natzcalmness 的帖子

谢谢你~我会参考的~~~

InnaNedved

回复 suesea1 的帖子

非常感谢 我会好好修改的~~

着魔

InnaNedved 发表于 2011-8-8 09:06
我也觉得有点奇怪……但是没有结尾又觉得不太好……所以在纠结怎么改……

haha。记得I am a lover ,not a fighter么
可以这样
就算时间从身边一点点消失
Hold my hand,and I will tell you
that is I am a lover ,nnot a fighter
握住我的手，
那么我会陪着你和时间一起走下去


怎么样

InnaNedved

回复 着魔 的帖子

好抒情啊，我还是想写的比较中肯一点，比较可信啊~~~